Holiday Advice

The Back To School Pressure Cooker:

 

Labor Day can put siblings into their own back to school pressure

cooker. Weather this is the first year, or later, our kids may be

dealing with questions and comments from peers, teachers, and / or

counselors about their brother or sister. Or perhaps no one is

talking, because no one knows what to say. Feelings of loneliness,

being different, being left out, can surface, and sibling rivalry ?

Remember if you will how intense it could get between all your

children. What kind of competition existed between them during the

school year, or what comparisons were made, athletics, grades,

friendships, extra activities ?.

That kind of emotion is often forgotten when a child dies. But as

your children go back to the classroom, to the athletic field, they

may see those reminders each day. When they bring home these

feelings, positive and negative, they need a place to express them

without being judged, or compared to their sibling.

We want to remember good. But we have to remember that no child

was always good! To forget that is to make a martyr of our dead

child - possibly at the expense of our living children. Our surviving

children need special support at this time of year, too. They need to

be reassured that they are still lovable - that they can be forgiven

for any anger or resentment they may feel toward their brother or

sister... that perfection is not a requirement for loving. They need

to be reassured that they are separate, unique individuals, not

imperfect replacements for the child who died. They need a safe place

to talk, to let out their own concerns and anxieties and fears. They

too are grieving and need a lot of support, especially during this

back to school rush.

Written by Cindy Cooper TCF St. Louis

reprinted from TCF Atlanta Online Sharing